I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
