david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
