Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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