Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
