exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have fence marks all over my body
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize