i would punch a child for taco bell
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
