well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
