smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
