Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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