There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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