i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
