thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
