Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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