I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
