just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
