Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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