I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
