I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
