Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
