If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
