The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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