Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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