oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
