she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
