we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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