I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
