There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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