you traded sex for a burrito?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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