Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize