I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
