if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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