Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
