can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
