We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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