OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
