I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dear god my vagina.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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