Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
