Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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