This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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