Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
