My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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