R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize