Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
