so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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