Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We are all done wearing pants today
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
