All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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