who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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