i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
