worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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