Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
