dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
