So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
