dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
