You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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