the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
