look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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