I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
