party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your cock deserves a montage
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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