I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
