Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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