textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
