So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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