operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
