Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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