As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
