dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
