Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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