Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
