if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
