Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
