Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
