I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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