You work out of a Hotel?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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