I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
