I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
