I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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