The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
