im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
