Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
