You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
