some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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