We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
