That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my vag is so smooth its legendary
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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