Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My pussy is not your playground.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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