I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
