Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
