I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
