i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize