saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
