I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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